Us

NEW BLOG ADDRESS

2009-09-26T12:47:00.001-06:00

HERE IS THE NEW BLOG ADDRESS

WWW.GIVINGWHATIAM.BLOGSPOT.COM

PLEASE GO TO THIS ADDRESS FROM NOW ON :)

Moving to a new blogger address

2009-09-23T14:03:00.000-06:00

ok so here is the new blogger address that I will be on. change it on your blog roll if you follow.

http://givingwhatiam.blogspot.com/

Revamp

2009-09-22T21:22:00.004-06:00

Okay friends and family...now for some news. I have decided to revamp my blog. Because of recent circumstances, I have decided to try and rid my life and my beautiful journey of negative energy. The only way I know how to do that is to stop complaining about my hard situation and help others. I will no longer be sharing extremely personal information on my blog. Not because of the heartless people who have been mean but because my feelings and my journey are sacred and important to me and I don't want them defiled by someone who is ignorant or heartless. I want you friends and family to know that I am more than willing to share personal feelings with you in a more private setting. I still love you all and want you to be included. I just need to protect myself from predators. email me if you want to talk more, I would love to hear from all of you, even the person who is obviously angry at me but not willing to tell me to my face.

So to move on......I am going to create a blog that is dedicated to charity toward others. I will chat with women I know who are in differing life situations and blog about how they can empower me and how I can serve them and grow by doing so. I will try to have some guest bloggers too as to see things froma different perspective. No one and no situation will be excluded from this blog so if you have any ideas or you want me to learn more about you and how beautiful or difficult your life is, I would love to get together and talk...let me know.

My blog address will be redirected to another but I will inform you all of the changes I will be making so that you can read or participate in any way you would like. THIS WILL BE A HATE FREE ZONE! No more negativity. just building each other up. Cause, hey, that is what Jesus would do!

I love my real friends and all of you who have been so supportive. I really love love love you!

ummmm hello

2009-09-22T08:44:00.002-06:00

ok so I am not sure who left this comment on my last post....

"Why dont your parents help you out with money? They sure have it. Then you can stop beggin."

but who ever you are please don't read my blog again and you obviously have no compassion for a post where I said I was feeling down. heartless....

Plus.....What makes you think you know my parents situation. The economy has hit them just has hard as everyone else.

Thanks for ruining my day, if that was your goal it worked.

2009-09-21T13:12:00.003-06:00

Have you ever had those days that you feel like life is kicking your butt? When it rains, it pours, right?

I honestly am having some strong feelings and have for some time. I want to be honest and I want to be better than I have been in the past. My post is not meant to offend or cause ANY guilt. Please don't feel that I don't care about you all, cause I do.

Friendlessness----
I really have no friends. I mean the kind that want to hang out with you. It is not for a lack of trying mind you. I have called. I have invited. I have thrown parties. I have even let some live with me. I am still alone on the weekends. It makes me sad. Am I just too intense for people? too emotional? Too loud? I am not getting what the problem is. don't get me wrong I am so lucky to have my GREAT husband who tries to compensate for my lack of friends, and I do have a sister I can talk to on the phone. But it is not the same as having a girlfriend to go shopping with or someone who comes over to you house just cause they want to shoot the breeze. I miss that. I want that. I don't know how to fix that.

childlessness ---
I am trying to do everything I can to figure out our adoption. Frankly, we don't have the money to save until we sell our house and we also don't have the available credit to get a loan until we sell the house. Do you see how I am stuck between a rock and a hard place? I am trying to do what I can by opening my Etsy shop but I get no responses. I try fundraisers but I feel terrible and people think it is kinda a weird and uncommon thing to ask for money for. So here I am in my childlessness broken and beaten and tired. Even with adoption, when will the end of this stage come?! No matter what amount of work I put into it maybe we just aren't meant to have kids :**(

hopelessness ---
My hope for the future is drained right out of me. I wanted to move but 15 -10 people have looked at our house and no one wants it. My associates degree is so close but so far away. My hope for tomorrow is tarnished.

Here is my pitty party. i love you all thanks for reading my ish.

Heaven in a cup!!

2009-09-18T22:46:00.003-06:00

This is heaven in a cup.

If you have never been to Letherby's you need to go!! It is the most fantastic ice cream place ever! I remember going there as a little girl with my family. My dad would always order a "daddy dougs" which is the biggest fattest banana split you have ever seen. He would challenge people to eat it. I have fond memories of that place. I promise it is worth driving to Taylorsville just for the ice cream and the carmel sauce! I always get the "Tracy's peanut butter cup" Yep my friends, it is drenched in peanut butter and chocolate. It looks like this when I am done :)

Chelsi is the winner!

2009-09-18T11:56:00.004-06:00

Yah Chelsi is the winner of the free personalized design and 20 cards! thanks chels for being the only one to participate besides my sister :) You so win for being cool. email me what you want (ie: christmas card, graduation crads, thank you cards) Whatever you want. Also send me a couple of pictures to work with ;0)
bellykell441@aol.com

Here is some of my work so the rest of you can see what you missed out on ----

I laugh so hard I cry!!!

2009-09-15T21:26:00.002-06:00

I laugh so hard when I watch this clip! If you don't like Family Guy get your pretty little panties out of a twist and enjoy ;)

Enter to win!!!

2009-09-09T12:58:00.003-06:00

I am giving away a free custom designed card with 20 color printed copies to promote my new shop on etsy.com.

You can get anything from a birthday invitation, baby announcement, Christmas card, thank you notes, graduation announcements, blog header, anything! Some examples of my work are in the etsy shop or you can just look at my header :)

Here are the ways to enter:
1. Comment on this post.
2. Join my facebook adoption group. here.
3. Follow this blog.
4. Blog about my etsy shop.
5. put my shop link in your facebook status.

BLOGGING ABOUT IT WILL COUNT FOR 2 ENTRIES!!

Each item counts as one entry so some of you will have 5 chances to win. Please comment for each item. and don't for get to take a look at my shop on etsy.com. ENTER BEFORE SATURDAY!!! 09/12

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=6141092

lOVES AND HUGS,
Kelly

Dream House

2009-09-05T17:26:00.001-06:00

We are not telling anyone just yet where we plan to move permanently. To be honest we have not 100% decided yet. But a girl can dream of a house like this no matter where we choose to go. Hmph.....I will have day dreams about this house for the rest of my life!

Fairy Tale Love

2009-09-03T23:17:00.003-06:00

Disney gave me an unrealistic expectation of men!

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about my expectations. I have been reading "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" and one of the main reasons I am reading it, is because I am addicted to the love story between Lena and Kostas. Ya...I know some of you think I am like a fifteen year old girl and in some ways I am. There is this odd expectation that comes out of reading these books and watching romantic movies.

I have the most unrealistic expectation of romance. I think many women do. Because what girl doesn't want a guy like Mcdreamy or Mr. Darcy? That would be awesome. I have often thought to myself, "I wonder if other people have that kind of love and I am missing something." I think the thing I was missing was reality. People don't really have that kind of love. yep...all those Disney movies were lying. That is not the kind of love you get when you get married. That may be a little bit of what the beginnings look like, but true amazing love is the realistic kind that ebbs and flows, like a river during the change of seasons.

Let me tell you what true love looks like. (These are things that actually happened to me today) True love is a husband that puts up with the nagging and whinning because he knows you need to "talk it out" He compliments the little things like your garlic bread and you amazing grocery shopping skills. He lets you take a bath and use all of the hot water even though he just got home from work and needs a shower. And while you are in the bath he helps you exfoliate your feet cause your muscles aren't as strong as his to get all the callouses gone. He lets you kick him off the TV so you can watch 2 more hours of Grey's Anatomy even though he is already watching something else. He compliments you on dinner even though it was just a frozen pizza you stuck in the oven. He lets you keep the light on while he is trying to sleep so you can read your sapping love book that is only to his detriment. Most of all, he lets you lay on his shoulder and cry when you are emotional over something silly.

Why aren't Disney movies like this? It is way better!

Please help us sell our house!!

2009-09-01T17:18:00.007-06:00

We are moving and need to sell our house! We need more money available to save for a baby. Please give anyone you know who is buying our info. here is the listing link:

http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/West-Haven_UT_84401_1112165140

And here are some pictures :)

deeedadadee

2009-08-30T22:12:00.003-06:00

Not sure why but at this very moment, I feel extremely happy!

Image via Wikipedia

Creeeeeeppppyyyy!

2009-08-29T12:22:00.001-06:00

Ummmm how many of you would want Edward Cullen watching you while you sleep? Nice fantacy and everything but not for freking real! creepy! I saw this on a blog I follow. bwahhahahha

Some people are smoking Crack!!!!

2009-08-23T16:54:00.007-06:00

Ok first of stinken all, this is my beautiful blog and I get to say whatever I want without a filter. You too are entitled to do so. I am not meaning anything PERSONAL so please don't get any panties in a twist.

Image via Wikipedia

FIRST......"The Time Travelers Wife" Ok so some of you have told me the book and the movie suck. Not so my friends. We all have differing opinions and that is what make us individuals! Yah! But I pretty muc loved the story and think the movie and the book rock!!

Second...YES, WE ARE SELLING OUR HOUSE!! Goody good that others besides Will and I think they have a say in that or that we even want their opinion, but......we don't.....sorry or in my words...soddy :) We are moving for MANY reasons. The most important being we are house poor and need to save for our little baby. All other reasons are our business and we will tell if we want but if not no prying please.

Image via Wikipedia

THIRD.....We are not REeeeeeTAaaaarddeeed. We have been around the block a few times so if one more person older than me tries to "teach" me how it works I will pull out my Chuck Norris moves!

FOURTH......Ok ya when it comes to fertility I have moved on but........ IT STILL DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE TO NOT THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK!! DO NOT COMPLAIN TO ME, OR WILL FOR THAT MATTER, ABOUT HOW YOU OR YOUR WIFE DON'T FEEL GOOD FROM

Image by assbach via Flickr

A PREGNANCY. YOU ARE TALKING TO THE WRONG PERSON IF YOU WANT FREAKIN SYMPATHY. WE WILL TRADE YOU!! Plus, not to be a biotch or anything, I threw up for 8MONTHS! that is right 8MONTHS DAILY when I was first on Metformin for infertility. I have also had the worst abdominal surgery EVER to remove a mass that definitely wasn't as cute and cuddly as a baby. If I could suck it up and not even have the perk of the baby...you can freaking get the H over it or cry to someone who cares!

MY FIFTH AND FINAL POINT.....from now on there will be no more courtesy for people who don't think before they speak. yep that means the witch will get out her broom. No more noses in our business cause it is getting pretty boogery in here and no more "advice" where is my deserted island when I need it?

There is my unfiltered vomit. "Anyone want chowder?"

Attack of the Infertile Zombie Woman!

2009-08-16T18:29:00.000-06:00

Attack of the Infertile Zombie Woman!

She runs around in a pink sheet, drawing moustaches on pregnant women, knocking down diaper displays in the supermarket, and biting the heads off of people who complain about their kids.

She is especially dangerous on Mother's Day, grabbing all the wilting flower handouts and scattering torn-up petals and stems all over the cultural hall.

After one rampage (a bad one - apparently after three babies were blessed on a single Fast Sunday), an infertility doctor was found duct taped to his own exam table with his feet in stirrups. He reported that the zombie woman threatened him with a sonogram probe and demanded answers to embarrasing questions about his bodily functions and his sex life until he broke down in tears...

...and then she took all his money. :)

BWAHAHAHAAAAAAA! HILARIOUS!!

A case of I don't give a fuh's

2009-08-14T21:26:00.001-06:00

I really have a scary case of the I don't give a fuh's :) hee hee I am 3 classes away from my associates and until this semester, I have been on it like blue bonnet!! Now I just don't give a fuh. It is odd and amusing at the same time. I think associates degrees look the same with A grades as they do with C grades right?

Confidence in adoption

2009-08-07T15:33:00.008-06:00

First of all, I hope you all have noticed the button on the right hand side of the page. Please copy the code and attach it to your blog to refer people to our adoption blog. Thank you all for the support you have shown us. We have been overwhelmingly blessed the last 2 months.

I am feeling like I am finding my confidence in this adoption. I have realized that there are many people just like me, who are a little older (for Utah standards) who don't have kids, and who feel the awkwards at church and in social settings. For the longest time I have felt like the hunchback in "The Hunchback of Notre Dame." I felt like I was the one laughed at and judged and that I was grotesque. Now I feel I am finding confidence in the adoption, away from the ugliness that is infertility. I have met amazing people who are just like me and they are beautiful so I must be also. They are like my Esmerelda. I have finally decided that I am a great person and don't desirve to be looked

Image via Wikipedia

down on because of how emotionally charged I am. That is what make me, me. And I am starting to like ME. Emotions and all. I think I will be a great mom and make a difference not only in my childs life but in others by educating them about the power the atonement brings to families by binding us in way that on the Lord can bind. I am smart and fun to be around and if people don't want to be around me then that is their loss cause I think I am a great friend. It feels so great to finally make the right decision for my life. I am wondering to myself why I fought it for so long. I am heppier than I have been in 4 years. Adoption...I love you :)

Adoption conference --
I heard about the Families Supporting Adoption(FSA) Conference in June. Will and I went out of town and I just thought going to the conference right after we got home would be the wrong timing. Finally, after being nagged by the spirit over and over, I deicided to go the day before. It was a two day event with many classes and much information. It was fantastic!! I haven't felt the spirit that consitently since the day I went to the temple. I went to some classes on infertility. They helped me understand the effects it can have and how to deal with it. The rest were adoption related classes.

Let me share an experience:
When Will and I first decided to adopt, we wanted a closed adoption. I went to a class about openness before lunch on the first day. I still was not sure I wanted a very open adoption. Then I met a online friend for lunch. We met on Adoption Voices, which is like facebook for people who have been touched by adoption. About half way through our conversation, I realized she was not an adoptive mom, she was a birth mom. I was so touched by her and her story and through out the conference I met more amazing women like her. I knew after that day that I wanted an open adoption. How could I not want someone like her in my life and in my child's life. What a blessing. One adoptive mom told the story of her and her husband kneeling across the alter being sealed to their baby while the birth mom held her. That is how it should be. What an awesome blessing for that family.

Adoption has changed my life and blesses my life so much! And we have not even adopted yet! I can't wait until that day! I am glowing like I am pregnant!

if some of you haven't noticed...

2009-07-30T09:51:00.001-06:00

I went unprivate. I hated signing in everytime to see my blog :) So here I am open to the world heehee I am a dorky dork :)

Feeing out of place...

2009-07-27T17:37:00.002-06:00

My life has been weird lately. I have always felt out of place in my family and at church and at school and and and and...... the list goes on and on. I am just uneasy and looking back it has always been that way. Where do I fit in? I feel like an outsider intruding on someone's life and it doesn't feel like my own. In the moments I am playing the leading role, I am swiftly and powerfully put back in the audience. I am not really a fan of feeling like this anymore. "Kelly just except them for who they are but they can demand you change." Kelly, you are too sensitive." "Kelly you care too much." "Kelly, you are too open, young, loud........the list goes on and on. I think I want to find a life that I fit into where I am me and I am around people who like just pure raw me. Maybe a change of location would be the trick. or taking a semester off of school not changing my job cause I love it but everything else. I just want to curl up in Will's cuddle and hang out all day everyday. That is the only place I feel at home

The Bachlorette......AHHHHHHHHAHHHHHH!

2009-06-29T21:03:00.005-06:00

I so have to blog. I am irritated by the bachlorette. Jillian is an idiot. Really! can she not tell that Wes is a freakin liar! Jake is like the most honest person ever. Plus, Wes' home town date was freaking awkward. She sent home Michael who was in love with her to keep the fag with a girlfriend. And if I have to hear Wes' song one more time I think I will shoot myself. I am glad Ed came back though. Boo...Jillian is stupid! She deserves to cry like this------------------------------>

WOW...what a movie

2009-06-26T10:58:00.003-06:00

Today I watched The boy in the Striped Pajamas. What an amazing movie. It was very thought provoking and profound. I recommend everyone to see it.

It is so true that children are the best part of our society. When we are young we have no disposition to hate or feel prejudice toward others. We are taught to be prejudice by the people around us. Through the eyes of a child, there are not different races, religions, or orientations. We are all just people who want love and return love. This movie showed that part of human nature in contrast with the terrible part of human nature known as hate.

The end of this movie had me thinking all day about how when all is said and done we are all human and are on equal ground. No one is exempt from the realities of life and the life after.

5 YEARS!

2009-06-25T08:17:00.004-06:00

We have been married 5 years today. I love being married to Will! He is my everything!

WOuld I go to Hell?

2009-06-20T21:52:00.002-06:00

Pizza Fundraiser

2009-06-16T17:36:00.003-06:00

Please click on the add for info

WE ARE ADOPTING!!

2009-06-10T15:58:00.003-06:00

We decided it! We are adopting. I am so happy. It is funny how I didn't want to and then I just did. Here is my journey to the decision:

Most of you know I teach little kids gymnastics. I teach from walking to 6 years old. There is a 3 year old little boy in our program. He is adorable and I have found myself becoming extremely attached to him. i have found while teaching children, that I form a love for them. Obviously this love is not the same as having your own child but it has been strong enough to fill a small portion of my heart that feels empty from not having my own children. About 2 weeks ago I was shocked to find that this little boy I was so attached to was adopted by his parents. I realized that if I had at least that much love for I adopted child it would fill my life with bountiful blessings. I know that I will love my own (adopted or not) more than I love this little boy. This discovery has brought so much peace to my heart and joy to my life that just thinking of it fills my heart.

Will has been so open and supportive, which is amazing and comforting. We feel so unified in this decision. I feel it has already brought us closer and it will continue to bring us closer. I am lucky to share my eternity with him and any children we bring into our family.

To you, my friends and family, your support and comments on this blog have touched me and helped me get through hard times. My request from you is to continue to be great friends. We are not out of the woods yet. Adoption is also a very hard journey. if any of you would like to participate, we are giving baby bottle coin banks to anyone who is willing to collect change for our hope to adopt. If you want one let me know on here or email me at bellykell441@aol.com

Thank you all again. We love you! and we are soooo excited!!

Hmm..

2009-06-07T21:59:00.000-06:00

I am starting to think this might be true....

SHANNON!!

2009-06-06T11:54:00.005-06:00

Tomorrow is Shannon's birthday!

I love you big sister and I am glad you were born!!

"She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink."

Here are some pics from memorial day!

2009-06-03T12:35:00.008-06:00

Mom said this is what you do when you see a bear, "Be taller than the bear, " .....

But this is what you really do when you see a bear!

I conquered the fast flowing river... log... thingy

The two coolest lumber jacks I know!

Look at the gigantic tarp to protect us from the rain. Will and I were excited :)

AHHH!!! THE CLOMID MONSTER!!

2009-05-26T10:08:00.001-06:00

It is now certain that I do not ovulate on my own. The only option is the terrible Clomid monster!!

I feel like this....

One of those days...

2009-05-16T15:20:00.004-06:00

Have you ever had one of those day where it seems like nothing turns out right. Today was that day for me. Case and point......

Funny Stuff

2009-05-13T23:01:00.001-06:00

This brightened my day so I thought I would share.

Mother's Day

2009-05-06T23:15:00.003-06:00

Image by S.Raj via Flickr

I have been thinking a lot about mother's day and my situation with that category. I keep thinking to my self that I would be pregnant with my second baby right now if things had happened differently. My life would be soooo different. Mother's day is always kind of depressing for me, as most of you can guess. I wanted to do something more proactive this year instead of moping. I created a new blog called Confessions of the Infertile Mertile. I want to dedicate it to my battle and my sister's battle with infertility. I want to start feeling good about my life and where I am now. So first of all, I am taking a summer break from trying. SO if any of you want to have fun and be adventurous, I am totally on board! Second, I am going to start talking more positively about it. This new blog will help me do that. Please take a minute to look at it. It would mean the world to me.

www.confessionsoftheinfertilemertile.blogspot.com

it is long, I know

Partay!

2009-04-30T08:17:00.004-06:00

So, I am taking a break for the summer from the day to day difficultness that is infertility! Yah! I can fly! :) So, I am throwing a partay!! Everyone come and have fun!! I know I am!! You are all invited!! Here is the invite. Click on it to see it bigger.

Dear Ovary,

2009-04-28T15:47:00.002-06:00

Dear ovary,

Lets pull it together here sister. It is not rocket science...let me educate you..it goes like this

Develop the egg -- Launch the egg -- Nourish the egg
Develop the egg -- Launch the egg -- Nourish the egg
Develop the egg -- Launch the egg -- Nourish the egg

See, it is not that hard. I am very irritated with you right now, so I am not going to talk to you for a couple of months. When I come back you better have it together!

With frustration,
Kelly

And the sunshine is gone

2009-04-26T17:02:00.003-06:00

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

so the clouds came by again. No ovulation on my own, but hey I have a big fat cyst...lame. Why is this so stinking hard?

Sunshine through the clouds!

2009-04-22T23:54:00.004-06:00

Image via Wikipedia

I am finally feeling good! Thanks to my favorite doc, Dr. Mansfield! I haven't had energy for 4 years and it is so nice to feel normal again. Yah! I don't have crazy med side effects and I can go through the day without having to take a 2 hour nap! It is awesome to have those 2 hours:) SO, I am thankful and grateful and happy that I feel better.

Infertility update (so if you don't want to know don't read)
I went to my new midwife and he is awesome (ya it is a he) Thanks for the advice Stac! He said I am ovulating on my very own!! What a good accomplishment that is. No more crazy clomid Kelly! Dr. Mansfield does want me to wait though. Ya, he said I need to, and I quote, "prime the pump" He is confident that next time will be the winner. I sure hope so. Well, if nothing else I feel excellent which is more than I have been able to say in years!

Plus finals are almost done! That is the cherry ;)

How stinking cute!

2009-04-17T22:47:00.005-06:00

I decided that nothing I could buy my friend for her shower would be enough, so I decided to make something. I have noticed I am ten times more happy if I make stuff!! here is a diaper cake and a peg board I made for her baby shower. Let me know if any of you want me to make you something!

Holiday Handicapped

2009-04-12T13:49:00.003-06:00

I realized today that Will and I are very holiday handicapped. Easter was like every other Sunday (except church was great!) Every other holiday we are kind of lame too. Like in Christmas last year we opened our presents in the afternoon 3 days before the actual day. I even made Will turn off the lights and close the curtains so it looked like christmas morning in our pictures. But I still know deep down :) I just don't want 10 or 15 years down the road our kids saying, "Look at this picture of you guys opening presents early." Ya, we really suck with ever holiday but Halloween cause of our awesome Murder Mystery. But without that all would be lost for us.

Conference

2009-04-06T22:07:00.002-06:00

How amazing conference was this Spring! I was so uplifted and i have never felt as guided as I did during this conference. I felt like every message was designed for me. I was very impressed by President Eyring's talk in the Saturday morning session. As I sat there watching with my husband, I tried not to cry out loud. He has been so concerned for me lately and I did not want to worry him. I don't know what was said, but I could not hold it in any more. I think my sudden sobs scared him :) Another talk that touched me was Bro. Holland's talk in the Sunday morning session. How amazing. I loved it! He explained that Christ had to feel loneliness so he would know how to succor us when we are lonely. I look forward to studying his talk in more detail. I decided to look back on some old conferences and see if there were things I missed because I wasn't listening and I found a few things I would like to share.

First, this is not a conference talk but is an article I found while searching the church website. The author talks of her struggles after going through a miscarriage. Here are some quotes from her talk that I relate to:

"Later that night, I left the hospital with empty arms. I felt as though I had been robbed." It really does feel like you were robbed.

"My arms ached to hold my baby. I often thought I heard an infant crying in the distance. I felt vulnerable and afraid that I might lose another child. During my four-month pregnancy, I had planned our baby’s future. When the baby died, that future died." You not only plan the new baby's life, you rearrange your own and talk about how you will change. Nothing is more devastating than knowing your life will go back to the way it was. The reason is that the baby, no matter how long the pregnancy lasted, changes you.

"It’s hard to say good-bye when you never had the chance to say hello. I may never be able to hold them in my arms, but I will always hold them in my heart. They are part of me. Because of them, I walk softer. Life is more fragile, more precious."

Janene Wolsey Baadsgaard, “Coping with the Heartache of Miscarriage,” Ensign, Jul 1989, 57–58

Another talk that is so amazing is one given my President Uchdorf last fall. It is about hope. Here are some quotes:

"The adversary uses despair to bind hearts and minds in suffocating darkness. Despair drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was meant to be. Despair kills ambition, advances sickness, pollutes the soul, and deadens the heart. Despair can seem like a staircase that leads only and forever downward.
Hope, on the other hand, is like the beam of sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn. It encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father, who has prepared a way for those who seek for eternal truth in a world of relativism, confusion, and of fear."

"Hope is not knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us. It is confidence that if we live according to God’s laws and the words of His prophets now, we will receive desired blessings in the future. It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance."
It is hard when there is nothing left to have hope . It is so great that we are promised that if we step out of the dark and trust in the lord, He will fulfill his promises and answer our prayers. I know I will carry a baby to term in this life, because he has promised this to me.

"There may be times when we must make a courageous decision to hope even when everything around us contradicts this hope." There is nothing like infertility and loss that contradicts hope, this is probably the hardest step in having faith.

http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-947-7,00.html

Luckily the gospel provides a way for us to live forever with our families. I am lucky enough to have two little ones waiting for me on the other side. They are perfect and will always be. My heart knows this. If any of you, my friends, feel discouraged about something, no matter what it is, go to the lord and he will relieve the pain. I know he will, he promises he will.

Quote from October of last year.

2009-04-01T16:57:00.003-06:00

"Insurance companies and all of their workers -- Is it rocket science? "You covered this Doctor 2 seconds ago and now you don't? interesting..."

This is a quote from myself from last October. I would like to restate what has already been stated and add...

So far this year I have paid $400 for stuff you haven't covered and now you are making me pay for $1100 for stuff you do cover! Jack freakin ass insurance companies!

Image by TaranRampersad via Flickr

I am going to look like him in 2 years the way my life is going!

I said it was easier the second time...not so much

2009-03-30T14:54:00.002-06:00

i really thought in the beginning that losing this baby would be easier than the last. Nope, I was way wrong. It is just as hard just hard in different ways. So the weirdest thing is that I get freakin emotion on Sunday. It happens every week. I get so emotional at church and all I want to do is go home because I don't feel like sharing my grief with everyone. If I sob ever 2 seconds, people will know something is up. The sucky thing is that I really need to be at church. It will help me so much but I am struggling. I am glad it is conference weekend next week so I can cry at home. During the week I am fine. It is odd.

Now for the good news...
I went to the doctor last week for my follow up appointment after the miscarriage. I saw the doctor who is over my midwife. Let me tell you how big a biotch she is! She told me I wasn't high risk and she wouldn't help me until I did this one more time! She is on drugs! I am not doing this again before I get help! I said to her, "I am not even considered high risk even if I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome)and have had two miscarriages?" She said nope. crazy. So why is thins good news you are wondering...well the very next day I went to my primary care doctor to have basic things checked up on. he is also an internal medicine doctor. For those of you who do not know what that means, he specializes in medicine. he can pretty much treat anything because he knows what meds to use and what symptoms to look for. I told him the story about what happened the day before. He was irate. He could not believe I had been blown off like that. He analyzed my meds, put me on new better ones, and took 7 vials of blood to test for everything under the sun that might give us answers of how to fix things.

Needless to say I was the most happy girl in the world. Finally someone who listens and cares!! I have been to 4 doctors in the last 3 years and he is the first one to even draw my blood! What a blessing! I really feel like he is going to help me figure this thing out. I feel so much better about trying again.

UPDATE... I just got the call as I was writing this. I have a thyroid disease and my B12 and vitamin D are low. More meds yah! blah!

Music

2009-03-27T22:54:00.006-06:00

I can't believe how much music calms me, church music the most. Most of you know me pretty well and know that I can get really worked up :) But it is so great to have an outlet that can calm my heart and most of all my head. If any of you need recommendations here are mine:

Anything from Hilary Weeks (If I only had today is the best but all are awesome!)

Anything from Jessie Clark Funk

Jenny Phillips(I can't listen to her in the car,she calms me so much I fall asleep. :)

Jenny Jordan Frogley(She is a little different from the rest, "Live While I.m alive is her best)

Michael McLean(His adoption series is beautiful)

Cherie Call ("Where Faith Lives)

The CD "In His Embrace"

If any of you have suggestions for me, let me know.

Clear the Air

2009-03-26T17:42:00.001-06:00

Ok friends, I was not trying to offend you all or imply anything about you in my last post. I was only trying to explain the people I am in day to day contact with, not the ones I have just lost touch with. I hope this maybe clears things up a little.

hmmm..awake again.

2009-03-24T23:04:00.003-06:00

So here I am awake again and not really sure why. My mind races and I can't get it to shut off so here I am writing on my blog (Not to mention my husband snores like a freakin banshe). I have waited to post anything new because I wanted you all to get a chance to see that I am going private and to post your email addresses. There is still time. I will be going private on the 28th of this month. If you haven't sent me your email, please do it soon.

So ya... what a weird last few weeks it has been for me. First of all, thank you to all of you who showed support to Will and I in the last three weeks. It means so much that you are there for us. (especially for all the food and great friends who came over immediately -Thanks Jess) One of the many things I have learned in the last three weeks is that there are 2 different kind of people when a situation like this happens.

Person #1: This is the person that rushes over to your house when they hear the news. This is also the person that calls if they can't come over. This is the person who may not call but sends flowers or a card. This is also the person who keeps checking up on you. They are the shoulder you cry on, the friend you call first when there is good or bad news, and they are the one who doesn't act like nothing happened but recognizes you need all the support you can get. They let you heal on your time table, not theirs. They are the one who fills your heart and helps things feel somewhat normal. They are truly beautiful.

Person #2: ummm ya... this person is very different from person one. They find out the bad news and they initially say they are sorry and that they feel bad for you, but the call(usually not a visit) ends abruptly, feeling a tad awkward. This is the person who claims to care for you, but doesn't call and doesn't say anything. This person avoids you until THEY feel better, then they talk to you as if nothing has happened. This person doesn't visit and doesn't call. This person is never there during the hardest times but wants to be there when they are good. They require you to heal on their time table and think you are crazy if you do not. This person ignores your pain for selfish reasons and most of the time they don't even realize they do it.

Moral of the story... I think when things are bad and hard you find your true friends and family. The people that sincerely love you fit in the person #1 category and the others fall into the second. These are the silly things that keep me up at night.

Other things on my mind...Am I seeing the right doctor? Will I ever be able to keep a baby? If not, am I willing, or even able, to do this over and over again? Should we adopt? If so, where are we going to get the money? Anyone have a money tree? Is there something I am missing? If so, PLEASE help me find it! What do I really want? Is school what I am supposed to be doing? Am I a good enough wife? Is my husband happy? The list goes on and on.

My heart felt prayer is that I will find the answer to at least some of these questions and feel comforted enough to at least sleep for heavens sake! I will end with a quote from President Monson. I have really been pondering this and I feel like it might be the answer.

"We cannot know what faith is if we have never had it, and we cannot obtain it as long as we deny it. Faith and doubt cannot exist in the same mind at the same time, for one will dispel the other."

Going Private

2009-03-12T08:52:00.002-06:00

Sorry friends, I know that most of you think going private is lame but I am to the point were I need to go private. I post VERY personal things on my blog and I have had some people I don't know comment and follow. I would feel more comfortable knowing who is looking at my blog. If you are friends with Shannon, you are more than welcome to keep looking at my blog. Everyone send me your email address to bellykell441@aol.com or leave it here. If you are friends with one of my family members just state that when you post your email. Sorry for having to go private. I just want to protect myself and my family. Thanks friends!

Again

2009-03-04T03:31:00.003-07:00

So my dearest friends, I know that it would have been better to share good news before I share the bad but in this situation it is hard to know what to do. Will and I have lost our second baby this week. I was 8 weeks along and I even got a strong heart beat at my last appointment. To be honest, I don't get it and I feel slighted again, but for some reason it seems much easier this second time than it did the last. Will and I are much closer now and it seems easier to have him to lean on. My only conclusion is that I am truly not in control of the situation. I did everything I could have. I went weekly to the doctor, took hormone supplements, adjusted my thyroid, and was very careful everyday. My doctor says to me, "We usually wait until someone has had 3 to look into other options." And I said, "I would prefer not to do this again before you look into other options." Now comes the hard decisions. My body doesn't ever figure this thing out on its own, so I have to decide what to do.

Ok, so the only silver lining in this situation is 3 things: 1)I have one of the best support systems in the world. A wonderful husband who loves me, a sister who knows my pain and it right along with me, and some really great family members and friends. 2)Will and I grow closer all the time, and in times like these I learn to appreciate him more as a grow deeper love for him. 3)I have the Lord on my side. Which I would say, is the most comforting part of all of this. It is really hard for me to see the blessings right now and not be upset about the sacrifices. But I do know that there is a reason for this trial. Weather to help someone else or learn my own lessons, I am not sure, maybe both. But the one thing I know is that He comforts my heart in a way no can and He promises me things that make me keep going even though I don't want to anymore. I want to end with the words of a song by Jessie Clark Funk. Music always explains it better than I can.

I've wrestled with demons and darkness
I've wrestled with what has been lost
I carry this crushing weight on my shoulders
And try not to think of the cost

It's more than a single decision
It's giving a part of myself
It's something I just can't do on my own
So I'm pleading with You for Your help

Again and Again
I've asked myself why
I don't think that I have any tears left to cry
My soul is so tired and I'm longing for rest
I'm giving my all and I'm doing my best
It hurts to move on from the place I am in
But you understand where I've been
And you reassure me it's time to start over
Again

I'm finally ready to listen
I'm finally ready to hear
Struggling to get to place you can reach me
Where peace can speak louder than fear

I can't see the end of the story
There's no way to know how it ends
For now I let go and I trust you to lead me
And show my heart where to begin

Again and Again
I've asked myself why
I don't think that I have any tears left to cry
My soul is so tired and I'm longing for rest
I'm giving my all and I'm doing my best
It hurts to move on from the place I am in
But you understand where I've been
And you reassure me it's time to start over
Again

All of the pain and confusion I'm going through
I'm turning it over to you
Willing to trust it's the right thing to do

Again and Again
I've asked myself why
I don't think that I have any tears left to cry
My soul is so tired and I'm longing for rest
I'm giving my all and I'm doing my best
It hurts to move on from the place I am in
But you understand where I've been
And you reassure me it's time to start over
Again

I heart my job

2009-02-25T13:57:00.002-07:00

So, today at work I almost got kicked in my girl junk but luckily have have cat like reflexes, a 3 year old thought that my boob was a way better step to lift her up than my hand, plus never ending boogers and spit flowing from every nose and mouth. It is so fun :) The other day a the cutest 3 year old ever decided the blue chalk looked like candy...that was fun explaining that to her mom who would be wondering why her mouth was blue. Seriously though I really love my job and all those hilarious kids that keep me laughing when I say "Where did you hide?" and they say "bumblebee!!" or "Ariel" My favorite is when they tell me they know how to go potty or that they don't :) Like one little boy who said, "I pee in my bed sometimes." He thought it important for me to know I guess. Then the other time when a little girl said, "Guess what miss Kelly! My daddy is on time out at my grandmas house." That one was the best. Oh the joys of being around children. Free entertainment.

Nothing to Say!

2009-02-16T08:47:00.002-07:00

I know you are all shocked, but I really have had nothing to say. That is why I have not posted for so long. Nothing has really happened that I can talk about. Maybe it is because my mind is so occupied with other things that I can't think of anything to complain about at the moment. Weird I know, me not complain about anything :)Next week some of Will's family is coming to town for Bill's big 50th celebration. I will probably have more to say then.

P.S. I didn't blog about my birthday or Valentines cause to be honest with you they were both uneventful and I didn't want to make some of you feel bad for ditching me for my Birthday dinner...that no one came too. I know I am a biotch for being honest that it sucked!

Defiance

2009-01-24T15:24:00.003-07:00

Image via WikipediaWill and I just went to see Defiance. I have never even seen a preview for it but we read about it on the internet so we decided to go. It was about 3 brothers who were Jews during WWII. The story is about how they lived, along with other Jews in the woods hiding from the Germans. This movie was extraordinary! I was so touched by their story of survival. After the movie, I tried to understand and associate with what these people must have felt. I cannot even get close to understanding the acts of desperation, hope, faith, courage, endurance, and love. I think that is why I was so touched by the story. I also don't understand how a group like the German Nazis and SS men could live with themselves. How can a person get so far from what is right to not even understand what is wrong or feel any guilt? What barbarians. But the thing that amazed me most about this movie, and is something I hope I can apply to my own life, is the will to survive and do it with such conviction, faith, and courage. I almost feel like a baby getting upset about the things I think are hard. I could not imagine having my life, my home, and most of all my family ripped from me then asked to move on. I hope I would have at least an ounce of the courage that those Jews had.

Valentines is coming.....HELP!

2009-01-22T16:28:00.002-07:00

Image by Travelin' Librarian via FlickrOkay my dear blogging friends, I need your help! Every year Will and I switch off who is in charge of planning Valentine's Day! ummmm.....it is my year and I have no idea what to do. Please help me or else all of my complaining to him about planning better will go down the drain :) What do you do when you are broke as a joke and wanting to impress? Let me know what you all think. I am desperate!

Thank you Jeep.

2009-01-08T17:25:00.002-07:00

Dearest Jeep,
I would like to thank you for all your help this year. The snow has come down hard, but it does not faze you. I am so grateful for your ability to switch into 4 wheel drive when ever I ask. You never slide on snow in 4x4 and you spin really fun in parking lots during a doughnut run. I love your sexy black color and the ease of your keyless entry. Thank you for enriching my life and keeping me from dying on campus while all the other cars slid off the road and into others. You are beautiful and I hope we are together for a long time.

With Love,
Kelly

Reflections of Christ

2008-12-27T07:16:00.001-07:00

I saw Reflections of Christ about a year ago in an email sent by my sister. I was so touched by this representation of Christ and his life. These are photos not paintings and they are displayed in the Mesa, AZ temple. One of my sisters gave me the new book that contains all of the pictures of this slide show. Please watch it, and open your heart and the spirit will testify of the divinity of the Savior.

My Testimony:
I have never felt as close to the Savior as I have the last few months. My faith in him grows daily. I do believe he lived to bring about the plan of salvation so we all could live with him again. I know that he loves me enough that he died for me. I know that he suffered not only for my sins but for my pain and heartache. I know he comforts me in some of the saddest times in my life. I know he loves me and has promised me he will never leave my side, even if others do. He has made it possible for me to have my wonderful husband forever, and also for me to be with my family into the eternities. What amazing blessings! I know that he loves me unconditionally. Most of all, I know he lived and died for me and I know that he still lives. I feel it in my heart. I hope you all can feel that. I hope this slide show testifies to you the same way it has to me.

Slow Motion

2008-12-22T08:30:00.002-07:00

Do you ever feel like your life is going in slow motion and everyone else is speeding right along? Ya, That is how I feel.

Let me explain.....

WARNING-if you don't want to hear me talk about the baby thing, than don't read my blog cause it is the only place I can truly vent about it. And if that is too much for you than move on to someone else who is full of sunshine.

I really meant what I said a couple of posts ago, and honestly I am not being overemotional or dramatic. I just want to talk and this blog sometimes is the only place I can feel like I can say the truth about my feelings.

I think about every other day this month I have found out someone is pregnant. And I hear this, "don't compare yourself to her" , "the time is just not right for you" , "If you want babies that bad you can take mine" Let me just tell all of you who know someone struggling to have a baby...these are NOT comforting comments. No matter how hard I try I wonder why her and not me, I feel like I don't understand why it isn't the right time for me (especially because we have cushioned our lives to prepare for a baby -- my husband has been able to get so much insurance to cover a baby that I think we will be getting paid to have a baby), thirdly, if you want to give away you kids, Please do!! I will take them and so will every other infertile women. so stop making your blessing sound like a burden. If your children heard you say that they would be hurt. One of my wonderful sisters told me about her baby the perfect way, she should be an example of how to talk to an infertile woman. She said, " your pain is our pain." "We pray for you" By being considerate of my infertility, she softened the heartache of hearing that everyone else is moving right along.

back to my point... there is a friend of mine who is on her 3rd baby!!! she is the same age as me!! Ya, I feel stuck and wondering "can I please have one?" Here is me standing still and her moving along. I mean, I wish I knew what made it the right time, or if there is a lesson I need to learn please show it to me. because to honest, I put on a great strong face in front of all of you, but inside I am broken and extremely tired and wondering what the heck is wrong with me that makes me not good enough. There is a confession for ya. Somedays I feel more punished than blessed and often times I am ready to throw in the towel. My poor husband is sick of the hormones making me cranky and I am sick of peeing on sticks and checking my boobs to see if they are tender. It is like working on an important job for 3 years and never getting paid for it. MY canteen is sucked dry, with nothing to replenish it.

To all of you who read my blog and care what I say, Thank You. For all of you that are pregnant, it really is nothing personal. And to my wonderful supporters(especially Shannon) you keep me going. I hope to one day be content with how my life is now, but obviously today is not it. I hope that I am stronger and smarter. I hope that I can let go and just have more faith. I hope that I don't feel lonely and sad. I hope I can find that without a baby, but for myself. I hope the tears stop and the heartache is comforted. one day

WILL!

2008-12-18T10:51:00.004-07:00

What's your husbands name? William Reuben Treadway IV

How long have you guys been married? 4 Years 6 months

How long did you date? 3 Months :)

How old is he? 27 he is creeping up on 30 :)

Who eats more sweets? We are both bad in our own ways.

Who said I Love You first? I don't remember. I think him...in a letter?

Who is taller? Will thank goodness

Who is the better singer? Me but Will does like to bust out in deep baritone in church...kinda funny and embarrassing at the same time.

Who is smarter? Will for sure! I am catching up though.

Who does the laundry? Both of us but usually Will does more.

Who pays the bills? Bills? do we pay those? j/k Will does.

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Me

Who mows the lawn? Will---always---he is a perfectionist about the grass.

Who cooks dinner? When we actually cook he does more than me but I am a better cook.

Who drives? We trade off. whoever is not tired.

Who is the first to say they are wrong? Will

Who kissed who first? He kissed me. it may be a TMI but it was amazing!

Who wears the pants? Will and sometimes I try to steal them but it doesn't really work.

Finals, Plumbing, Show week, Foot zoning, and BLESSINGS!

2008-12-17T10:00:00.003-07:00

I am not usually a way perky blogger, as many of you have noticed. But today I have decided to step out of the box and be a little perky!

I wanted to start out with how are last month has been going. I am finally done with finals and school this semester. I think I passed my classes with better grades than I expected, which is spectacular news! I am crazy and signed up for 17 credit hours next semester. wow! I can do it! I can do it! I keep having to tell myself that.

Plumbing! Yay!!!! Will is done with his residential License schooling! After five long years, he can take his test to get his journeymans! I am so proud of him. He passed the test only missing two questions. I asked him when he got done, "Why are you so good at everything?" He said, "I don't know, but it is cool. :)" Ya, needless to say he never ceases to impress me.

Show Week. It is show week at my work. If you don't know what that is, it is like a recital in dance but it is for gymnastics. I love show week! The kids listen better they perform better and it is just dang fun for me. This second most rewarding part of my job! (if you are wondering what the first is, it is when I child tells you they love you and gives you the biggest hug) So, yay! to all my lil flippers! I love you!

Foot Zoning. My husbands bosses wife ( no not my step mom) his other bosses wife, she approached me about treating my infertiliity with foot zoning. Now, I know some of you may not believe in holistic treatments but when you get to the point I am at you will try anything that might help. Let me tell you, I was amazed! It feels like a foot massage but there are some places that hurt. She was like, "do you have neck problems?" I said yes. She said, "up underneath your skull bone?" I said uhhh ya. It kept doing and going. She told me about the pain I was feeling and I was amazed. My husband went too and he is even a believer. I am still not sure how it works or if it works but she sure did impress me! If you want to try it, let me know and I will get you her number.

BLESSINGS! I have been reflcting on my year and how it has gone. Believe me, it is not how I expected it. To be honest with all of you (I know you all tire of hearing about it) I really thought this would be the year we would have a baby. The greatest thing that I am learning to put into perspective is that things really do happen on the lord time but in the meantime he will fill that void in my heart until a baby comes and fills it. I have seen my wonderful husband have such faith in the Lords plan for us, that I have understood Will in a way I never have before. I am so blessed to have an amazing husband who pushes me to think outside my box and who loves me no matter how dramatic I get. I have such a great family that I have grown way closer to this year, especially my sister Shannon. Our relationship and friendship has streangthened me beyond the pain and she is, after my husband, my favorite person. I have also built better relationships with my parents, whom I love more than enything. I am blessed to have a couple great friends who I know I could call anytime of day. I am so blessed to have this wonderful home and my husbands job that provides such safety and comfort. Most of all, I am greatful that my testimony has grown so much this year. I feel like it is easier to have more faith and I know that Heavenly Father loves me. Knowing that brings so much joy. Even though everything isn't how I expected it or wanted it, I am blessed beyond what I could comprehend at the beginning of the year. I will look back on 2008 and smile!

HIL "FREAKIN' LARIOUS

2008-12-11T17:40:00.001-07:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Firsts

2008-12-07T19:05:00.002-07:00

1. Who was your FIRST prom date? Brent of course...didn't I go to almost every dance with him?
2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love? Sometimes, but I don't think ever again.
3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink? vodka----ya it was pretty bad and my friends vomited all night....needless to say I never drank again after that wretched experience.
4. What was your FIRST job? Kirt's drive-in...don't eat the fry sauce, they keep it if it looks untouched after serving it already. gross.
5. What was your FIRST car?a Buick that I totaled with in a week.
6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today? No texts today...I am a loser.
7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning? Will sice he was laying next to me I didn't want to wake him up since I wake up crazy early.
8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher?I think Mrs. Calvert
9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane? To Florida it was awesome
10. Who was your FIRST best friend and are you still friends with him/her? Lacie Thompson and we see each other every now and again but we aren't way close.
11. What will be your FIRST thought when you wake up tomorrow morning? I want to go back to sleep.
12. Where was your FIRST sleep over? I think at Lacie's house
13. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today? Will
14. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time? Shannon's
15. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning? Got on the computer to get some work done cause I have anxiety and can't sleep. :)
16. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to? It was Kenny Chesney in Hopper before he got big.
18. Who was your FIRST kiss from? I think Chad Pearson...not sure though
19. Who was your FIRST boss? Jeff..again don't eat the fry sauce.
20. When was your FIRST detention? I never had detention.
21. What was the FIRST state you lived in? Utah
22. Who was the FIRST person to really break your heart? Richard
23. Who was your FIRST roommate? My sister Robin
24. Who will be the FIRST to repost this? I hope everyone who reads this!

Disney World, here is my arm....and my leg...and my other arm......

2008-11-26T06:20:00.014-07:00

Image via Wikipedia

So, This last weekend my sitster and I drove down to Disney World. (ya, not from Utah, I am in South Carolina) Shannon and I got military discount tickets and they were still a flppin' ton! We were excited though :) Everything there is so expensive but you can't resist because who could pass up the mickey ice cream? It is just so freakin' yummy. You get to see different countries from around the world and experience how expensive it would be to be "cultured"
The rides are classic and some of them even suck but they are classics so how can you not love it. It's a small world is actually a pretty lame ride and the tea cups make you barf. I have never seen so many children crying in my life! which I don't understand. "Kid you are at Disney for crap sakes. No crying at Disney!" But at the end of the day when the lights go down and the castle is lit you can't help but love it and think "This place makes me happy and fuzzy on the inside, so I am justified in paying you with my first born" Then Tinker Bell flies from the castle and the fireworks are magical and you walk out of the overcrowded park to attempt to find your car thinking "My dreams can come true! Mickey told me so!" and then you wake up the next day feeling like a college student after a keg party and say "I am feeling sick, who stole all my money, and why am I half naked wearing mickey ears?" That is the magic of Disney my freinds, whoever is in charge of convincing the conpulsive buyer should get a raise!

Picture tag :)

2008-11-09T17:18:00.003-07:00

I really liked this picture tag so I am going to do it.
Here are the rules:
1. Go to your folder that has all your pictures.
2. Pick the 4th folder and the 4th picture.
3. Post the picture and write a story about that picture.
4. Do it if you want to! I thought it was a fun way to look back in the past and remember what some of my pictures are!

This was a picture taken about 2 months ago on the way to park city with Will's mom. It is beautiful!

Pirate Party! Aaaaarrrghhhhh!

2008-11-01T23:57:00.007-06:00

Will and I have a murder mystery dinner every year for Halloween. We love it and so do most of our friends! We always have a blast and we plan on doing it every year. This year was "murder among the mateys" Our friends got into it more than any other year! We also used a different brand of game but well worth the change. Next year i will be more organized :) (sorry to my friends who didn't get their descriptions until the day of) We had great fun as you can see. All I have to say is Aaaaaarrrrrrgghhhhhh!

Purging of annoying

2008-10-31T13:40:00.008-06:00

There is a list of people I want to purge from my life. Here goes....

Some of my Professors -- Liberal! Liberal! Liberal! holy cow, I will be glad when I don't get an earful about politics!

Ex boyfriends -- I wish that they never come back to haunt me! Go away go away I don't want to play!!!

Judgmental Neighbors -- "Sorry I went and got a Dr. Pepper on Sunday, I was thirsty." :) And just because I miss church one Sunday does not call for this comment: "I thought you moved away because we haven't seen you. Where have you been?" (HeeHee.... at the store buying Dr.Pepper:)

Slow Drivers -- Why? just why? is all I have to say.

Insurance companies and all of their workers -- Is it rocket science? "You covered this Doctor 2 seconds ago and now you don't? interesting..."

Women Who's lives are ONLY about their children -- I am glad you are proud but I would like to hear about something besides how Johnny said something so funny and Sally got food all over her face.

Anyone else want to purge someone annoying from their life?

2008-10-28T14:10:00.010-06:00

This last weekend Will and I went to a Halloween party! It was great I finally got to see some of my friends that I have not seen in years and it was good to catch up with them and to be able to spend more time with them. We even planned to go to my parents cabin and spend more time together! I am so glad to catch up with them. Quintel was our wonderful hostess and she had some great gross looking food. If any of you have heard of pictionary man, I suggest it! It was so funny to draw on the little man figure. And of course Jake is hilarious at it. Camille and Zach brought their cut dog who was obviously tired :) And all the parents dressed up so cute as well and the kids! It was too much fun!

Tagged with the 8's!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-22T13:37:00.002-06:00

8 Tv Shows I LOVE to watch:
1. One Tree Hill
2. 90210
3. Lost
4. Top Model
5. Gilmore Girls
6.Project Runway
7. Everybody loves Raymond
8. News

8 Things That Happened Yesterday
1. Slept In!
2. Taught little kids
3. Went to class
4. Ate at Carl's Jr
5. Looked at other Universities
6. Did math homework
7. Cleaned my kitchen
8. Fell off a stool

8 Things I'm Looking Forward 2
1. Being done with this semester
2. Visiting Shannon!
3. Will's Raise
4. Halloween parties!
5. Christmas!
6. Having kids
7. Bill's Chili on Saturday
8. seeing Will after a long day

8 Things on my Wishlist
1. KIDS
2. a new car
3. Cricut
4. A new bed
5. and TV
6. Travel money
7. To have no dings in my walls!!
8. and a degree!

DYSON!

2008-10-21T17:48:00.002-06:00

Image via WikipediaSo, I bought a Dyson vacuum about a month ago. It is was probably the most expensive household cleaning tool I have ever purchased. Let me tell you, it is the best vacuum ever! I actually have the desire to vacuum! It makes my carpet feel like it was just shampooed without the wetness. My cousin, who lives in our basement, came home one night and as he walked down the stair with the lights off he thought we had shampooed the carpet. That is how great it is. I can't believe how much stuff comes up out of my carpet ever time I vacuum. It is gross! It had all kinds of attachments and the hose is your handle. You never have to bend over to get corners! Anyway, I love it and recommend it to you all. Let the Dyson change your life!! :) (they should hire me to do a commercial) :)

New Hair

2008-10-16T21:51:00.002-06:00

Here is a pic of my new hair. I went dark yah! I look like my older sister :)

SO DONE!

2008-10-15T14:58:00.003-06:00

I am so done. Most of you know to what I am referring. Today I am throwing myself a giving up pitty party. It's fun...... or not :(

P.S. Sorry I am not a more perky blogger.

Thriller!

2008-10-11T09:29:00.002-06:00

Image via WikipediaWill and I went to Odessey dance company production of Thriller. I forget my camera, which I always do and always regret. We went to Javier's for dinner and it was great as usual. Thriller was at Weber State. When we got there, there were zombie girls trying to scare everyone. It was actually very comical. I saw a few people that I haven't seen forever. I love that! The show was so awesome! It was funny and scary and entertaining all wrapped into one. I recommend it to anyone! My husband even loved it and he is not really into dance. I am officially in the Halloween mood.

Politics

2008-10-07T16:25:00.003-06:00

Image via WikipediaI am starting to pray for the end of the elections. I am feeling like there is so much contention in my life from all the political debating. I have decided I am not going to vote. Many of you may think that is wrong but I cannot trust either candidate so I will not vote for either of them.

Maybe it is me just being a history major, but this country is not how our founding fathers wanted it and I don't think it ever will be. There is no integrity in politics. Politicians fight for their own self interests and crave the power of being the leader of America. If you want to understand real, heartfelt integrity in politics, look back at our founding fathers and their great passion for freedom. Take a look at the working class in the late 19th century and their devotion to fairness. Study the men who willingly enlist to protect, not just this country, but their families and communities. There in that casket sent home will you find that integrity. I think we have lost that somewhere along the way.

When I was watching confrence on Sunday, I just kept thinking of all the negativity in my life because of politics. President Eyring talked of unity and I don't feel that fighting over politics is bringing unity. So, the thing I will grasp onto is my faith in the Lord and that he knows what is best for my life and for this country. I have faith that no matter what comes, if I follow him, I will not have to worry. And I will let go of the things I cannot change. ie: the candidates both parties have chosen for the presidency, because if I could change that I would vote.

Park City

2008-10-02T11:03:00.005-06:00

Will's mom came into town from Georgia last weekend. We decided to take her to park city to see how beautiful it is. We had some good mexican food and then we had caramel apples! I just drive to Park City for the caramel apples. Will and I enjoy the apple pie apple. You are missing out if you have never had it. Will had really never seen Park City in the day light and needless to say he was impressed. I forgot that every year when I go to Park City with the fam, he is off doing his hunting thing. I am now cursed forever. I will always want to shop in Park City the first week of hunting season because for the past few years Kathy, my step mom, has taken all of us girls up there while the boys went hunting. WE used to stay in this great condo. and now I must get over it because Kathy doesn't get the condo anymore. I know what you are all saying "she is a spoiled brat" All I have to say to that is so what about it :) ANyway, Helen loved Park City and we got a lot of pics.

Aunt Flo is a bioch!

2008-10-02T11:00:00.001-06:00

Aunt flo came to visit and she is a freakin biotch! Just thought you would all like to know. try try again is my moto.

I LOVE HOME!

2008-09-20T18:50:00.004-06:00

I love to make my own decor, it is funner that way!

I am A Vinyl Freak!!

I love my home so I thought I would share it with you :)

Quirky Game

2008-09-18T16:01:00.002-06:00

The Rules:
Link the person(s) who tagged you
Mention the rules on your blog
Tell about 6 quirks of yours
Tag 6 fellow bloggers by linking them
Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

1. I am petrified of Chia Pets!
I know that is silly but they really do freak me out. Eww... the texture and how they grow. ahh they creep me out :)

2. I am very closed off to people I care deeply for. This one is for all of my friends...and some of my family unfortunatly.. I have been hurt so much before that I build walls and end up acting uninterested, rude, or serious. I am actually just being protective. Sad but true.

3. I am a movie freak! I watch so many movies it is ridiculous. I use Netflix and still go to blockbuster. My Netflix has over 100 movies on the list.

4. I cannot stand Will's facial hair in the sink. He will be the first to tell you that it grosses me out and I have to clean it off as soon as I see it.

5. I love school!! It is the best thing I have ever decided to do (besides marry Will) I love it and I even miss it when I am not in. That is probably why I chose to be a school teacher.

6. I love to scrapbook but I have never made my own scrap book. I have this thing about putting glue on my own pictures. Plus I love to do it for other people. And you can ask my mom and my sisters I am the expert on gifts that make you cry!

Tripplets....maybe

2008-09-18T15:45:00.002-06:00

As most of you know, I have going to the doctor for quite a long time for fertility treatments. My doctors have been really irritating. The first dr. I went to didn't even try to help me so I went to a different dr. She told me I needed to see a specialist so she referred me to a guy in SLC. Well, he told me that my case wasn't that bad. In other word he wasn't going to put in the same amount of effort as he does for other people. So for the last year I have not been monitored on my fertility med. I decided to go back to the dr who referred me to him. She was shocked that I was not getting good care. SO she upped my dose from 12.5mg to 50mg. In fertility terms, that is a big jump. On day 13 I went in for an unltrasound and yep there are 3 eggs ready this month. I was so happy!...(I think Will peed his pants though).. So I am hoping at the end of this month all or at least one of them become a cute little Treadway baby. What a blessing it would be to get all three! Cross your fingers for me!

So... I am a push over

2008-09-18T15:43:00.001-06:00

I am the biggest push over. I let people who don't even mean the most to me run me over like road kill on a freeway...I need to change that.

Can't make up my mind

2008-08-24T21:40:00.002-06:00

Many of you have probably noticed I have a background problem. I can't seem to choose one. so, I hope you enjoy a new one every time you come to visit. :)

Blogging, Business, and oh ya Infertility Infertilitly infertility

2008-08-19T05:32:00.005-06:00

So...I can't sleep. I woke up at 5 in the morning and I can't go back to bed. I have so much to get done and I can't stop thinking about all the stuff I need to do. The funny thing is that I can't do any of it right now anyway but I am awake none the less. So, Anyway, we finally got the internet at home. Hopefully I will be able to blog a little bit more. Not that anyone really looks at my blog anyway. I finally figured out how to make my own background and I am glad. It took me forever to f igure it out but hey I had the time. I was awake when I should have been sleeping. Will thinks that I am weird. He is do lucky that he can just turn his thoughts off and sleep. He lays down to go to bed and he is snoring within seconds. Lucky him.

I have been thinking.... I have been really emotional about the whole infertility thing for awhile. I think sometimes when things are consistently one way it is almost foreign for them to be another way. For instance, How would I feel to actually be a mom? The only thing I have known is to not be one. Maybe I am not ready for good news but I am very sick of bad news... that is for sure. Everyone says "if you calm down then it will happen" Funny.... That only happens for people who have normal functioning ovaries. For us who don't, we have doctors poking at us telling us to take meds that bring the PMS monster all month, They want us to take our temperature every morning "without moving, going to the bathroom, or making the wrong face..." They tell us to pee on sticks every five seconds but "not the first urination of the daybut before 9:30" Who pees 2times before 9:30? not me. Then everyone says "Relax" Oh that is so easy when everytime you go in to public or to church 1 out of 2 people is pregnant. There tummies say "hi I am here but not for you just everyone else." And, so, obviously I am not relaxed. I can't be because that would mean I must give into the infertility and anyone who knows what I am talking about , knows that is like giving up yourself..

There is my rant about it...... I feel better...... kinda

Will's Silliness

2008-08-03T17:25:00.005-06:00

So, one weekend I was having a scentsy event in my cul-de-sac. A friend asked me if she could get some water from my house. I told her to just walk in and will would be there. This is what she found:
She came and told me that will was doing something very strange. I went into the house and found him like this:Will is not anxious for October is he! Poor boy......silly

4 YEARS!

2008-06-25T13:03:00.000-06:00

Today is our 4 years anniversary! Yah!

No Grass and new links....random

2008-06-23T18:57:00.003-06:00

We have been waiting to grass for freakin ever! and once again it will be pushed off. Our fridge broke and We just bought it. But you know we had a great weekend besides all of that. We went to my dad's cabin and rode some 4wheelers! It was super fun! So ya, i want to just quit my job and move up there. But life doesn't allow that. Blah!! So i have some new links on the side of this page under kelly's favorites. Go check them out... i like really retro stuff so hopefully you enjoy as much as I did.

HAWAII

2008-05-13T18:06:00.002-06:00

Here are some pics from our trip to Hawaii. I have never had more fun in my life!

PICTURES!

2008-04-27T18:56:00.002-06:00

My sister has mad skills.
Look how good he looks!

I just thought I would ad some wonderful pictures of us!

Not in awhile

2008-04-25T11:42:00.002-06:00

Well I am so sorry I haven't kept the blog updated. We have been so busy and it doesn't help that we don't have the internet. We are sooo busy and have been enjoying every minute of it. I am almost done with school. Finals are here ahhhh!! I think I am ready for school to be done. Next week we are on our way to Hawaii again!! Family reunion! I am so excited. I will post pictures when I get back

First Exams, Hawaii, and umm.....Spanish

2007-09-25T15:28:00.000-06:00

So I did my first exams last week and ya....I am amazing ;) I did really well. I am glad for that. So, I got extremely spontaneous and bought a ticket to Hawaii to see my sister. Yes siree I head out there in 3 weeks. I need time to recoupe and make somevery important decisions. What about is soon to come..... Things are getting a lot happier for me and I am glad. I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. oh! and by the way Will is still smarter than me. He is excited that I am going to be taking spanish classes. I need 2 years of spanish for my degree. He says as soon as I can speak a little he wants to take me to Mexico to do some bartering. I say HECK YES to that. :)

Starting Over

2007-09-04T08:54:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone. Will and I are really bad at this blog thing but we will get better when we get the internet and a new computer which I am hoping is soon. So, I thought I would update. My last post I was very upset. Obviously... I will not remove it because it is real true blue emotion and nothing is more honest than that. I am doing well. I will say miscarraige is the hardest thing i have ever experienced in my life. The only thing to do is to be real about it and move on and that is what we are doing, moving on..... I started school this semester. It is a very good distraction. I recommend it...I am cutting down my hours at work. I am going to only be there 3 days a week. Thank goodness! I just feel really tired and I am constantly feeling like I am not doing things for me, Thus the reason for me starting school again. I get really excited about learning new things and I am enjoying my classes. I might be singing a different tune after my first exams. Now to move on to Will a little bit. He is really just doing the same old stuff. he is going back to plumbing school. He hates it because he is so brilliant and already knows everything they teach. That is the story of Will's life. I swear that man knows everything. I always try to tell him about something I learned in class to see if I know something he does not but I have yet to be the one teaching him something. We are going to Park City in Oct. I have been pampered by dad and Kathy. I now yet ansy to go to Park City every fall. I am really glad to be able to go this year. It will be a good break. well thats all the news. loves and hugs to all.

Nevermind

2007-08-16T11:49:00.001-06:00

A big fat nevermind on the prgnant thing....

Prego!

2007-07-30T09:32:00.000-06:00

We are finally pregnant! When I found out I cried. Will on the other hand was very surprised. His reaction was funny. We are so excited and so is our family. It will be the first grandbaby for all of our parents. (except kinda dad) We are not going to find out the sex of the baby. How Will thinks I can do that is beyond me :0) If you know me you know that secrets are hard for me and not knowing is even harder. I have told him I would wait so that is what I have gotta do. He thinks that it is a boy and I really think it is a girl. We will see. Maybe we should put a little wager on it :) I think that I will win. What do you all think?

2007-06-26T20:15:00.000-06:00

Well Kelly got bored and now we have a family blog spot. Cool. Bear Lake was fun. I have realised that even a seasoned camper as myself(since diapers), can make mistakes. I can't tell you how many times I said "Ohh well" or "We shoulda....." while we were there. I guess you almost have to to forget something on everytrip. Maybe I should make an official camping list.

This reminds of the time I went to Hawaii, and had a run in with TSA. Long story short, they found a shotgun shell in my carry on. After NUMEROUS searches of the bag and my person, they decided that I wasn't Al Qaeda, or planning to do anything radical. I had a to give a statement to the local authorities and the TSA. I still made my plane. I got back, and received some hate mail from TSA saying you naughty boy, etc... and don't do that ever again. And the underlying message was, that I am now going to probably suffer a life time of background checks when I fly, GREAT!!! Take one shoe off, turn around, take your pants off, scratch your armpit, pick your nose, do the hokey pokey, take two steps to the left, touch your knees, tie your belt in a knot, is anyone feelin me on this???? Honestly!!

Anyway, I do love camping. Kelly asked if I was bored while we there, and I told her that I could do absolutely nothing and not be bored camping. Fishing is the same way for me. It is nice to have something like that for my own mental well being. Ohh yeah, even if Bear Lake is hot in the summer, it is BUTT COLD at night. So pack some warm clothes. I also survived the MERLINATOR, and I got a picture there on the wall to prove it!

Will

2007-06-26T19:53:00.000-06:00

Cuda!

2007-06-26T19:47:00.000-06:00

We went to bear lake for our 3rd year anniversary! We went swimming and to Pickleville playhouse. We also went to Minnatoka cave. That was awsome. 444 stairs and well worth it. At the end they shut off the light in the cave and they shine a laser on dimond rings. Good to know mine is real!! Thanks honey. We are so happy to be married and it is so nice to remember our special day 3 years ago. I alway say that it would be fun to relive the wedding every year. Not nessesarily the planning part but everything else.

New to us

2007-06-18T14:20:00.000-06:00

This whole blog thing is new to us. We will see how it goes. We have so many people who live far away from us (even close to us) that we think it would be a great thing to help you all know what is going on in our world.

Kelly's First

2007-06-18T13:59:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone!
My world has been crazy lately! I have so much to report on. We are finally moved into our house which has made me very happy! I love my kitchen! I spend way more time in there than I did in our ogden house. I know it might be shocking but my dear sweet hubby says that my cooking is getting better.:) That is good news for him. We are getting ready to put the yard in so if any of you are bored and want to help we would be happy to have help. i wil be glad when I see green grass instead of dirt. Month 4 on the baby making is going to be very informative. I am having some test done to check some other hormones. We will see. Hopefully I have a good month. Last month was a roller coaster. It comes and it goes and I think this month will be better because of all the fun activities. July is very busy for Will and I. We love all the celebrations! Will's birthday is on the 15th. 26 years old holy cow he is getting old. I think 30 is sneeking up on him:) Any way that is all for now. Loves and hugs to all.